Marshall Porteous on Overcoming the Odds, Sport, and Resilience

Transcript supplied via Spotify RSS.

Welcome to. He cast the official podcast of

he changed it. As always.

My name is Mike Chism. As always.

I'm excited to be here and talk with awesome guests about just

where they're at. And what's happening and we talk

about the world of men's mental Wellness, you know, I we've said

many times, he changes a place where men can go and work on

themselves or men can go. And build themselves that has

not changed that will never change and we're really excited

to see guys that have made decisions.

Have taken steps actions to getting into a better place,

whether it be mentally or physically, whatever that is.

And we love having this podcast, where we talk about these kinds

of things because talking about it, many times is half the

battle. We talked about it.

Hopefully you think about it and people that you were people that

you know, can improve. Lives because of it can ponder

some things. If you haven't downloaded the

heat change adapt. What the heck are you waiting

for? Please?

Download it from the App Store, both, Google and apple.

If you haven't liked and subscribed to he cast, again, we

would really appreciate if you would do that.

Our he changed overlords really appreciate those analytics when

people subscribe and share the podcast as well.

And yeah, just keep supporting the world of work of what we're

doing here. The support that we're getting

back from people and the feedback we're getting from.

People is nothing short of astounding.

We know we're on the right track with this.

I get the easiest job in the whole thing.

I get to host the podcast. And the cool thing about that is

not just the conversations that develop on the podcast, which

help me. I'm front row Center and I think

this podcast helps more me more than anybody else.

Probably. But also the friendships that I

get to make and the guy that we're going to have right now,

finally returning guests. Starting to come on.

And this guy here easily, easily easily can use that phrase a

brother from another mother. We first met Marshall porteous.

I guess just under a year ago or maybe just over a year ago at

the time. He was the captain of the

Kelowna Chiefs Junior Hockey Club during covid and we talked

about that. Not only did we talk about that.

We talked about some of the mental health challenges that he

has had growing up and through that conversation through that.

That amazing melding that we had that day, a beautiful friendship

has blossomed and Marshall and I are really close and just he's

one of my favorite people in the world.

And I am so excited to welcome him back and he and I can just,

you know, shoot the shit about stuff and he can update the, he

changed it audience as to where he's at the he cast audience as

to where he's at. So without further Ado, Martha

Marshall porteous. Thank you so much for coming

back here, and it feels weird to be Talking to you and having a

conversation with cameras and microphones now, because we

just, we just do this outside of that all the time.

Okay, man. Thank you so much for having me

back. It's a blessing and honor.

Obviously come on and and to be welcomed back again is a big

deal to me. So I love it.

Well, your podcast, your original podcast was is one of

the the, the more viewed and shared and listen to programs

that we've had. And I love, I love your story

because There are so many goddamn 45 right now at the time

of this broadcast and bright. I've got so many of my friends

right now that are literally going through some of the stuff

that you had to deal with, when you were in your teenage years.

And part of the reason for that is we, as a culture, Now, look

for some of the signs of mental wellness, and mental distress

earlier. Now, we know more about it than

we did before, but at the end of the day, let's just bring

everybody up to speed. You were on here, because yeah,

you're the captain of the hockey team, but you also got other

stuff going on. What?

Some of the mental difficulties that that you go through right

now just to bring everybody back up to speed.

Well. Yeah, I like I like I mentioned

last podcast. I'm a sufferer of

obsessive-compulsive disorder and I have been pretty much all

my life. I started getting treated for it

around age 11. Yep and started medication for

tried. Numerous different kinds kind of

found my sweet spot and that's kind of where I'm at.

Now, just kind of functioning trying to find find my footing

and that's slowly starting to get even better than it always

had that ever has been which is which is fantastic.

And then on top of that, That I have ADHD as well, which I've

been, I actually kind of had the trouble of having to only be

diagnosed with in my second year of University.

Right? So, I went this long without

having known that I was at a learning disorder.

And now I know that, you know, that's one of those things that

I've done that, I have to cope with, and deal with.

And that's another, you know, crazy thing to have to have to

walk around with a machete and be through the jungle to try and

find the solution to. But it's one of those things

that I think, I, I think I'm blessed to have been able to

find that out. I think.

People go a long time in their lives without knowing any of

that about themselves and and get called lazy get called this.

That, and the other, and I think I'm very fortunate to have been

able to actually put a, put a finger on what this root problem

of, a lot of my of my issues are.

So that's actually a big deal to me.

I appreciate the sum up of where things are at.

I would highly recommend any of our listeners and viewers to go

back and listen to Marshalls first podcast.

It was incredible conversation where he talked about that stuff

back then. We're going to talk about moving

forward going through because I mean, I mean my God in the last

year that we haven't conversed with the cameras on in the

microphones on you've gone through a lot of stuff to.

I mean, you finished. Here's the thing.

I love what you said about the awareness there because many

times that awareness we have a, there's a saying in one of the

businesses that I'm involved in that talks about how a lot of

people are living quite lives of desperation.

And in the Version of it, that where my business talks about it

is on the financial side of things when people are, you

know, if they're ignorant about how money works.

And, and they're frustrated with their financial situation is

that, but they don't talk about it.

That's a quiet life of desperation their suffering

inside, but they don't tell anybody about it.

And, and maybe they're not even quite aware of why they're

suffering. I think, mental Wellness, could

also be a parallel to that. There are many people who don't

even know why they're feeling the way.

A feeling, they don't even identify how important is that

awareness that you talked about, like, when that ADHD, for

example, which is a fairly recent Revelation, how

important, and how much weight was lifted off your shoulders.

Just getting that awareness. Well, man, I through high

school. I used to get told like, you

know, you're just smart enough to to slack off, a still get

decent grades. And so if that's as a result

like until University, when the demand got to the degree that

it's at, I didn't really That I'd ever have an issue, you

know, not studying or not having crammed the night before for an

exam. So when that stopped working, I

think, that's when I knew there was probably something going on,

but I didn't know for sure, and I end up getting a call from my

psychologist who actually diagnosed with OCD and said,

Hey, listen, like there's actually a lot of studies out.

Now, to support the fact that it was CDMA, ADHD kind of go hand

in hand and I think really, yeah, and so that was why she

ended up. She ended up actually kind of

retracing her steps and saying I think he's probably get you

checked for this as well. I'll be right back on the

conversation of OCD. And I was like, okay, sounds

good and sure enough. Naturally.

She's like, yeah, I think you are suffering of it.

And I think that took a lot of weight off my shoulders because

I was like, you know, last few months have been really hard for

me to like, really feel motivated to do something,

because it doesn't come as easily to me as it used to,

right? And like, it was always easy for

me because I was getting, you know, A's and B's in high school

without having to, you know, because I was still playing

hockey, then to sure but that an autopsy was probably the focal

point of everything, right. It really was because, you know,

High School, everybody has it. This is, that's the one thing

that like you got everybody's kind of To do it.

So that wasn't necessarily a massive, massive Mobile in my

life. But imagine I think it was more

the sport itself. And the social aspect of the

sport itself is so being able to put High School off, was that

was easy, right? Well, once the university

started to really, you know, beat me over the head, I was

like, oh wow, this is, this is one of those.

This is one of those moments where I'm like, hey, I'm kind of

starting to struggle feel in the water.

Touch my earlobes and then like probably start to figure

something out and at the same time playing In hockey at a high

level. You know, Junior Hockey is, is

in Canada, Junior. Hockey is its religion to some

folks watch Junior over the NHL, because they think it's a more

exciting game and there's lots of pressure pressure, you put on

yourself. You were the captain of the team

and going through. So your first two years of

University, you were playing junior hockey at the same time,

right? Yeah, and I mean you think about

the plates that are spinning at that point trying to get, keep

everything going and then throw in the Wrench of covid.

We're going to talk about the feeling of your last year.

Maybe the I don't want to put words in your mouth of the sense

of blue balls that you probably had your last year of Junior

before you aged out, but at the end of the day, I mean, that

knowledge now, because you're still playing hockey, you're

playing for University, and we'll get to that in a second.

Are you finding University easier?

Now that you've had this, like, are there shortcuts that that

have developed because you've gotten this diagnosis and can

you See the parallel between OCD and ADHD.

Like, can you see why the two are linked up?

And that this is the first time I'm hearing that, these two

things are common. So for sure, we'll do the first

thing obviously. Like, yeah, I'm definitely

finding those helping, like, I got prescribed, Adderall, and

that's been kind of the game changer, for my success, in the

classroom. And my ability to save more

focus on her before. Yeah.

I'm still struggling. Obviously, like, it's not, it

doesn't, it doesn't gotta do the work cycle, duct tape, all the

holes, but I still have. I still have issues just staying

focused, or being committed. Getting rolling out of bed in

the morning, going to the 8 a.m. Class here and there.

But no, it's definitely like made it so that I can sit down,

finish an assignment potentially finish a second assignment, and

then go to bed instead of just like, I'd rather play Xbox, but

I'd rather you just go right to sleep.

Read rather, just go hang out with my girlfriend all day and

not focus on school at all, which is, which is actually nice

that I can I can I itemized those things and be able to, you

know, put them in a bit of a hierarchy of importance which is

yeah. This is huge.

So that Definitely did help and I think that identification was

the first step in that process and I think that's something

that I'm really grateful for. And then yeah, we'll see Dean

ADHD there, definitely hand in hand.

Like I didn't notice it before, but like my OCD was like, middle

of the night. I'd be like, oh, well, I gotta

go. I gotta clean my room.

When I get stuck on cleaning, my room to the point where I'd be

like, holy shit. It's 1 a.m.

I got a test tomorrow morning. I got a, you know, and so that's

that's the ADHD part where it's you're procrastinating because

of your obsessions. And so you kind of get to At the

point where you're like, the next morning, you're talking

procrastinating because of your obsession sort of.

Yeah, Drew up there though, but I think that might be, is that a

marker. Is that something that people

should kind of look at? Like, yeah.

Am I in my life a procrastinator?

Many of us, you know, fall fall to that.

Yeah, but am I procrastinating? Because I have some obsessions

and things like that and I and, you know, so that's it.

That's a something to look for. Yeah.

Well, she said, my actually the statistic not to put words in

her mouth because obviously, this is, this could be, this

could be misquoted, but she my psyche.

Geologist who told me like, you know, upwards of about half of

people with obsessive-compulsive disorder, have some sort of an

attention deficit, learning disorder, and I was very Blown

Away by the statistic who I was like, you know, that's, that's a

very interesting corner to look at it with because obviously,

like you're obsessing over the Roger obsessing over something

that doesn't necessarily take priority.

And what would necessarily be the standard hierarchy of

importance, right? That's when you can kind of be

like K. It's probably an abscessed of

this. But that's why you're

procrastinating and that's part of the ADHD.

You know, psyche is the fact that you're putting things above

other things that don't necessarily share the same

importance. And so, that's, that's kind of

where I started to be able to be like, okay, this this is

starting to make sense. This is starting to click a

little bit. And so I started to be able to,

you know, focus on things and should I take my meds properly?

And on time, I was able to, I was able to combat those those

shortcomings in a really effective way.

And I started to find like, you can find it right down another

to the date and hockey, but where my point started to go on

my first two seasons with the Chiefs.

I think I had all know my first two seasons in the Ki rather.

Yep. I only had a bow, I think seven

goals across the two seasons. Yep, and my second year.

I believe I had 17 or 18 goals 30 points total.

I believe in well my second year at the Chiefs.

So you and that was almost to the day.

I started taking my Adderall for the first time.

Wow, so you can really see that change and like, Even this year,

like, after graduating from Junior, you can see it on the

ice, like, in my first game against SFU.

It's one of those things. I was like, Patrick, Patrick and

I was like, I should probably take my Adderall today, like,

this is a whole new level of hawkish, probably that, and it

just benefits you in such a wide range of of facets like you're

thinking about. Okay, well, school, I don't

really feel you don't really feel you super clicked in today

for school. I'd probably take it this

morning and right really get my things handled.

And then you go into a game against Simon Fraser and you're

like, this is one of the better teams.

In this league should probably Focus up.

I don't necessarily feel myself today.

It's probably and then next thing, you know, you're like

you're back to what you should be.

What you're what the what the level is.

Right? And that's, that's kind of,

that's kind of what I feel like that benefit of having known

that I had ADHD in the first place, gives you an ability to

be able to identify when and where you need to pick things up

and what ways you can get help with.

That is like, most whether it's medication or talking to

somebody like those two, those two items have been My first

response is talking to somebody and Medicaid medication is like,

I definitely not just a medication guide.

I appreciate everybody's ever spoke to me about.

If you like. Should I try Prozac?

Should I try Citalopram all those ssris that I've ever tried

and I'm like, you know, it's worth talking to your doctor,

but I'm not a doctor and I always want to make that clear

like with the with the blog space that I posted with project

Outlet. Like I made it very clear from

beginning like this is not a this is not like a professional

medical surgery talking about your experience and through your

Parents. You're wanting people to kind of

examine where they're at. Right?

And find the solution that is customized for them.

Totally. Yeah, I know.

And I know and that's the thing is like these medications.

They are dangerous and throughout taking the right way

at all. Especially is a very very dicta

stimulant and that's one of those things where it's you got

to be careful and I think talking to a doctor and finding

the right solution in a in a medical fashion with with a

somebody's, a few letters behind their name.

Yeah, you know handling that for you.

I think that's the way to do it. I think going through somebody

who's been through experiences, to find out if it's for you is a

good way to To start though, and that's why I share these stories

for sure. You you went through this

journey young your mind is still like I mean, like, you know, you

do you listen to a lot of the same shit.

I listen to, you know, for a fact you thought listen to Joe

Rogan and some of these other places your brains not done

developing till your 27 28 years old, you know that you knew that

early on. You went on that Journey when

you're in your teens because your mind was so malleable at

that point. Do you think it was easier for

you to make the decision to say? Yeah, I want to go talk to this

person. Then other people are.

Was it was it even heart? Was it hard?

Then? I think it was helpful is the

fact that my parents were so supportive of finding a

solution. Right?

Like I can credit them enough for the fact that they were just

so open to try and to see somebody I think of even like

early 2000s, which is when a lot of this kind of started coming

down for me, even though I think there's a pretty more

significant stigma than there is now around.

Yeah, they're on seeing somebody in talking to somebody and so,

Even the words like shrink still got thrown around quite often,

right? And that's, I think that's a

pretty a pretty divisive. Well date of term for sure.

And now it's starting to become one of those terms where people

get triggered by an almost totally and it's like it.

I think my parents could have easily been in that, that realm

of it, like, for the most part of my family's blue-collar

family, so that can all come from that that direction to, or

it's like you're fine. It's just a story.

It's just a way of thinking, you, you can handle this on your

own. Whatever.

And that wasn't, that wasn't the case.

If they are, they really saw that?

I was that I was in trouble and they were like, we're going to

figure this out with you. Yeah, and that was and with me I

was just I was just desperate to find a solution.

I was well, I was willing to try anything and so for me at the

time and that I would agree that this would be the case.

Now to seeing somebody is something that I would have had

no problem doing just based on the amount of pain and distress

that I was in. And, and I think once you get to

that level, I think you're you're bound to say, yes, to

just about anything. If they tell you, it's gonna

work. So, it's Having talking to you

about this right now because it is a total continuation and

evolution of our first conversation.

And and the thing that's hasn't evolved.

I've had stayed consistent. Is that message that you just

said, you know, even a year later having gone through a

bunch of shit that you've gone through, and we're not talking

about that right now. I want to ask you about aging

out of Junior and thank goodness University, came along.

You've got some University hockey, keep it in your life,

for a few more years, for sure. Before you have to make any

decisions about that and I know how grateful you are.

It's Meet to hear how that message has stayed the same and

you've just cemented. Even for even more.

Hey, listen, go talk to somebody go, you know, at be around

people who support this stuff. Have them, you had your family,

you know, you've got a pretty serious girlfriend, you know,

she understands everything that has that you're going through

and have gone through and potentially could go through,

you know, if things get dark for a little while because that

happens to right, we all have our ups and our Downs, what

would you say for advice? For somebody who is in a

relationship with some of the, some of the mental challenges

that you have, you know, I was fortunate enough to like across

all of my relationships have been with somebody who's been

very understanding about the situations that I've been in.

It's been frustrating for every single one of them make no

mistake. Like it's obviously not

necessarily something. We're all naturally, you know,

yep, built to deal with. And I think in a lot of ways you

can look at somebody who's sick and be like, you know what,

they're probably Only going to sort it out on their own or what

they're going through is so irrational because I've never

experienced it either myself. And I think there's a lot of

that going around these days. Writes, we look at a lot of

other people's issues and say, oh, that's bullshit.

Right? Even though, you know, we have

no idea what their problems could be.

You know, you like, because I haven't felt it.

It's not real. Yeah, you'll get it in minority

communities, you look at it and, you know, impoverished

communities in the trans community lgbtq community.

And as a whole, really, I think, I think we all look at these

problems and say, you know what, they're going through, can't be

that. Because I don't feel it.

Well, there's a reason, they don't feel and it's because, you

know, your whatever you are, which is not them.

And that's right. And that's at the end of the

day. That's it.

And so I think, I think in a relationship, if you're sitting

there and having a conversation with somebody is a significant

other, you have to remember that.

They aren't going to understand what you say.

Yeah, you want to look for somebody though.

That is willing to try and that's the point that I'm trying

to make a lot of people who say, ah, listen, like my current

girlfriend. I've had several friends, say to

me, my current girl from my current boyfriend is not getting

it, right? Not.

It. I'm just like, you know what?

You've really got on. Make them explore, you really

got to explain like how your brain works, why the brain works

the way it does and if you don't know that yourself, I think

that's where you just start, right?

Yeah. That's the part that like a lot

of people fail to start with is like, okay.

Well, I'm just going to tell somebody I don't feel good.

But they're gonna be like, why don't you feel good?

You're like, I don't know and that's the end of the

conversation. Right?

So, why would you even have the conversation the first place?

You got to go to somebody who understands who helps you get

well-versed in your own issues. Yeah, and then you can Are

sharing your story which is, which is the direction I went

like, oh, there's no way that I'd be able to have these

conversations without the help that I got at the age of 11.

He has absolutely no way. Yeah.

And sudden and just just based on the ADHD and OCD link, like

that's not something that I would know, right?

So that itself is proof of the necessity to get get educated in

something that you're not necessarily familiar with

especially, even if it's something that you deal with on

a regular basis. So, I appreciate how open you

are about this and able to, So, freely articulate, this, it will

help people and it does help people who can't quite

articulate it yet. And it'll create some light bulb

moments for people. I know you're all about that.

I want to do that hockey thing though.

We talked a little bit about aging out.

Yeah, before in the last podcast because you knew it was your

last year. We thought you were going to be

going into a year where there would be at least some hockey

your last year wasn't so much like that you aged out, you

know, normally when you're playing Junior, Hockey hundreds

Fans at your home games, you're the captain of the team.

What was your last year? Like, how did it feel?

Because you didn't know you're going to be playing University

hockey out necessarily. You hoped maybe had some ideas

irons in the fire. But and the reality of what

turned out was so much better than you could even hoped for.

Yeah. With this new team being

created. But how did it feel, you know,

kind of starting the season last year and then kind of as it

progressed and you saw The writing on the wall for your

covid year last year of hockey before he aged out of Junior.

How did that? How did that feel?

Well, you know, it was it was really difficult because in a

lot of ways you want to Swan Song and you want to write the

book that that you want to read write and that the end of the

day you want to be in control of all these crazy variables.

You gotta understand though, like in that moment, like you're

really heartbroken like I for me, man, I cried, I'm not gonna

lie to you. I cried almost like a probably

once a month during that season, just because the Like, you know,

I'm coming to the rink every day and half the team is like we're

all pretty much aware of the situation at hand.

We know they're probably not going to start playing again.

We do these case, numbers going up.

We see the death. I'm just going up and we know

this is bigger than hockey. Yeah, that's the end of the day.

We're just like, you know, it sucks.

It sucks. But like this is the way the

world is. Everybody else is losing a whole

lot more than just hockey right now.

So we got to be able to stomach this and hopefully in the future

you to play more, but I'm not gonna lie.

And then in the moment it. Pulled and I was sitting there I

was because I remember watching every other 20 year old who went

through that program, you know, come to their their final game

of the season, get handed their Jersey.

Yep, you know, get to shake hands, the team go out play

their last game, giveaway to the crowd.

Go home, have a few beers, and kind of celebrate the end of an

era. Yeah, and that was nothing.

I got none of that. It was just it was so hard.

I was trying to trying to lead a team through a season that they

knew wasn't going to happen. How many games you play for five

or four games before regular season and lots of practices?

Yeah, totally. Was all practices for most of

the most part which I am grateful for.

Because to be honest, now, I'm like, I would not be a where I'm

at without those practices having right right.

So I before now, but in the moment it felt especially for

the 20 year olds. It's help.

Pretty pretty in vain. Right?

Like we were really why are we doing this?

What the hell is the point of this?

Right? Like we're like as much as it is

awesome to be able to team and to be pretending to be playing

for a team. Really into the day.

We're really just practicing for a team.

And that's that's hard to do. But yeah, like it, if we were

sitting there in the dressing room, me and we had Two of the

20 year. Olds.

Jordan. Whitest.

And Liam dragger. Yeah, and we were just like,

like, man, this is hard like, because it's hard to lead boys

who who know there's no consequences of, you know, not

necessarily put giving their all in practice or not necessarily,

you know, everything that you'd expect of a standard hockey

season, they don't have to do and not fighting for it.

There's really nothing to fight for.

Really, the end of the day. It's just like your development

on the ice. And if you have a future in the

game, that's great. And if not being proud, being a

practice players. It's no fun for anyone at the A

day. So that was hard and it was it

was heartbreaking for the longest time.

And then once that final practice kind of ended, man, I

was I was in shambles emotionally.

I that my identity my whole identity was hockey, you know,

until today. I played hockey for 17 years and

we talked a little bit about that our first conversation with

the identity thing and what it's going to take to move to that

next chapter and self-exploration all that you

went through a little bit of that before.

Before hockey decided to continue in the hockey, God

smiled on you, when it came to that.

Yeah, but you did go through that a little bit already.

Right? Like, absolutely you made the

decision that you were going to be a student without playing

hockey. Or did you make that decision

throat that or was it much? Yeah, pretty much.

I came down to blows over. It was, like, you.

Like I had, I had offers from from all over like different

cities and different towns and different schools, different

countries. I had stuff in the US as well.

That was kind of, you know, tugging on my shirt sleeve.

So I was, I was thinking, like, what do I do here?

Like, I've already logged. You know 60 credits at ubco.

Yep, Marty halfway done on a poli-sci degree there.

Yep. Do I sacrifice the majority of

those credits? See how many of the next

universities going to let me transfer over and then start a

new there, right? Do I want to do that or do I

want to continue a UV C 0? Or I've got my friends already

that I've established in the city that I've lived in for four

years, you know, with a girlfriend that who lives here.

Like there's a lot of different things that are up in the air.

A like you're, you're trying to think like so big decisions for

a 20 year old. Yeah, absolutely.

And that's the thing is it's there's a money factor to that.

There's a lot of different issues at hand and then and at

the end of the day, I just kind of sat there in my room and

about I think was met and I was just in the middle of an

internship that I was doing Calgary for poli-sci.

Kind of feeling my professional career start to grow and I like

maybe this is it this is the path and like I think everybody

ends up here, you know, I've heard a lot of n.

Each other's tell me and my father who also played pretty

high-level jr. He used to say, you know, we all

end up in really, that's the end game for it.

We all end up in be early. I like that.

So, you know, that was kind of one of those comforting things

as like, you know, that's so true.

So true, so true. So I kind of sat there.

I was like, you know what? Yeah, I'm going to be.

Okay, I'm gonna be okay and then, you know a couple weeks

went by was still hurting me. And I just remember, talking to

my girlfriend, like you understand like all of the

validation that I got until I had like a solid relationship

like between my first year, when I was still in a relationship

and then my single years, all of that.

Station came from hockey. Yeah, like people cheering your

name, having? I remember, like, with the chief

side, you know, people buying my jersey.

Yeah, like, that's a big deal. That would 17 18. 19 year-old

right? Like that.

The ego, that, that builds for you, and the confidence that you

get from that is positive and negative.

Right? Both, absolutely.

Like, there's, there's definitely things that you that

you grow, that aren't necessarily good from things

like that, that can that can definitely manifest in her in a

negative way. If you don't take care of it the

right way, but like Like also, that's the confidence of being

able to like, move forward in your life and shake a hand and

be like, oh, what do you do on? You know, I'm a student for me.

I could be like, oh, what do you do?

I'm a student. I also, you know, I play on the

junior team or whatever. Yeah, and that's, that's cool as

another feather in your cap to be able to say and like, that's

just for me or like, I just don't want to be generic.

I want to be able to do something else.

And again, like I said to my girlfriend, like not to say

anybody who's in school, is generic.

No, but for me, it's like this is my identity.

And so, to have that taken away from me, makes me feel less than

I was before. Yeah, not like equal or level.

And so that's why I said to her and she even said, to me, like

she played high-level soccer all live in this is her comforting

moment for me was like, you know, like I lost that without

choice to like she blew her ACL MCL and torment in hell.

She didn't one of those. Yeah, and she, she had surgery.

The whole nine and told me, she's like, I had things taken

from me too. And I promise you, it's okay to

re-identify with something else and it's going to, you're going

to feel. Okay.

Well, you can say that to people you, you can see that people now

to you've had something taken away fabulou and even though it

was given back, you know. Beautifully for you didn't know

that. No.

Yeah. And and the idea of it gets

better. Yeah.

In and you can apply that to all sorts of different life

situations, but the idea that it does get better, you're not the

only one that this has happened to and there's comfort in that.

Yeah, because many times when we keep that shit inside, we think

we're the only one that's part of keeping it inside as is, we

don't realize that there are others who have gone through

identical situations and have come through smile.

On the other side. Lee.

Well, that was my that was my moment.

Like I don't know if you've ever watched the movie goon or the

second one even go like that. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

The second one, Doug Glatt sitting there and he's got a bad

shoulder injuries had hockey stripped from him and he's a,

you know, he's working in finance and he's all coming home

to his wife and said what he's like, oh, so many files and

taxes and it was so much fun. He's like crying through it and

then he gets a call from the team and he's hating he's, you

know, he kind of rehabs and starts working on his left hook

instead of his, right? And that was kind of my that was

kind of my mom. When I was going out and I was

gonna go get my covid shot. It was my second one.

I was getting, I was like, you know, time to be a functioning

member of society. John.

And I'm still working at at Co has as an intern this summer and

I'm going to go pick up Chinese food to eat and it was it was

the whole time and I get a call in my car and I answer it.

And I've been getting these telemarketers all year.

It just, I don't know how my man.

My number got out, but goddamn, we're all going through its

brutal. It's brutal, but I end up

getting this call and I'm like, I'm like, you know what?

I see. It's a, I see it's at 50 number

and I'm like, hmm, so I answer it but I go.

I mean, I know it's a cologne a number but I'm sure doesn't make

any sense. So I answer and I go is this a

telemarketer? Because I really don't have it

in me today for it. And they goes, no, no, no, no,

don't hang up and I'm like, okay.

Well I do, who is this? And he goes, this is Kevin bath,

her still UBC, Okanagan Lakers. And I'm like, oh shit.

Yeah. Who's that?

Yeah, where the Lakers? Yeah, it is.

So then he goes, he goes, you looking to play hockey next year

and I kind of Stop my car like a pullover.

Oh my God. Yes, when where he's like, well,

you see, honesty of a joint program this Summer that we

started. So, two universities in the same

geographic location. Exactly.

And then, as long as you're enrolled in one of them, you can

play for us and you're playing the BCI.

A child against SF U VI you and you pick and I all of which have

established hockey programs have been around for a long time in a

high level while. Yeah, I'm just like, that was my

dream. I was thinking about going to

Victoria. The only problem was, is the

true credit transfer. Yep, and I was like, well,

Absolutely. I sat there in my car and I

cried. Hahaha.

I was like, goddamn. I get to delay this, I don't

have to worry about this for another three years.

Thank God. Later.

Three more. Yeah, I can play it like and

play for five more years if I want to holies.

Yes, hopefully I might go for a master's.

Yeah, my toe into poli-sci. Not Masters and see how that

goes. Go to grad school here, but

that's that's that's the plan is just to keep playing and and to

do it alongside what I've already.

Eddie been doing which is trying to get an education and trying

to start my professional career, but I'm just not ready for it

yet. And that's and that's just

something that I have that have kind of come to terms with his,

but you were prepared to be ready for it.

Yeah, that's like you had, you had gotten to that place where?

Yeah. Yeah, it sucked.

But we're kind of starting to Wade through the work of what it

took to salute, Lee to see what's life on the other side

and then the universe kind of smile at you and said, okay,

that's nice. But we're gonna just when you

think you're out. They pull you back.

You can watch another thing. Yeah.

I know. It's just so jarring to me

because I just realized for a moment.

I'm like, This is what we expect of ourselves.

This is something that like we as men go through, we grow up

with a sport, we grew up with, with a Pastime and by the time

we turn 20 people are like, hey, what are you doing now?

Yeah, and I think in a lot of ways that's where a lot of

anxiety comes from is like that pressure to get in the real

world and it definitely comes on both sides.

Like it comes, it comes for women to I just find that the

pressure of athleticism for men is extremely high, and I think

that like, especially in professional sports, the

pressure to get There. We put we put those men on a

pedestal, we really do and for good reason, obviously.

That's it's such an incredible thing to watch to put to watch

professional sport and a professional athlete compete.

But like to want to be at that level your whole life and then

by 20 finally be told K. This is the line.

Yeah, you kind of got to hang them up now and that's that was

brutal for all my mental health and I'm that's kind of a new.

I have a new respect for men who can, who can do that and move

forward and, you know, hand it over.

So. Well, I have a respect for

people who can talk about it because that You bring it up,

that women go through this, to, of course they do.

But where does this stigma about men leaving things inside and

not talking about it? Come from, it comes from the

fact that that's what we do. And one of the things that I

love about you is just how because in in, in the Wild on

normally this guy to, I'm pretty vulnerable.

Most of the time I can talk about as long as it's kind of a

safe place and nobody's trying to be predatory.

I can open up and talk about this stuff.

But part of that is just knowing why he changed.

It exists is because a lot of guys can't do that you at a

remarkably young age. I've learned how to do that.

And while you've watched your peers around, you kind of

suffering, going through what you just.

So eloquently, put the big thing is talking about it and and you

did talk about it. You know, we talked about it

last year before it actually even happened and suddenly

you're realizing, okay. It's not over.

I was ready for it to be over. Kind of didn't want it to be but

if that were the case, you were going to move on no problem.

And then suddenly you get the call that.

It's not over yet. Let's talk about Junior be to

University. You know, you you play In the

you know, the minor leagues system, which is very similar

all across the country maybe even North America very very

similar and then suddenly you got moved into a university

style of playing hockey and and set up and all of that system.

What's the difference is this a higher level of play?

It's at a lower level of play. Is it very similar?

How would you compare the two so far?

I think, oh, it's definitely higher like it's definitely the

best. Hockey I've ever played my

really, and it's like by a mile and I'll find like, it's

definitely like top-end, Junior B players.

Like, they definitely like are very selective with who they

take from Junior be if at all some teams, okay, and then the

rest of the teams, usually made up of Junior, a sometimes even

higher, and then you're getting stretched.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like it's just really remarkable

to be able to play with some guys who enough not necessarily

would have ever been able to share the ice with it past this

point. So like there's a lot of players

out on this team that are just so talented.

Moving the puck. So well that are feeding me in

ways that I've never really been ready for and that's kind of

where a lot of those that first game.

Like all those clicks that I hadn't against SFU.

That's where a little came from, was just like playing with some

of these guys. And I mean, the speed itself is

crazy, but there's also in Canada, there's no age limit to

when you begin playing University hockey.

So long as you only play five years you can start whenever.

Okay. So what do you got on the team

now? You play with 17 year old so

there's one, there's one or two skaters who are 2001 aged, okay.

Then the remainder are 2000 and plus so there's as old as 1991.

Born. Oh, wow.

Yeah, so we have your plan was some men out.

Oh, yeah. So that was a bit of a culture

shock. For sure.

Was going out there getting the puck in the corner and having to

fight off a guy who's, you know, getting ready to start his.

Yeah, his life, right? Like, I'm, I'm sitting there.

I'm fighting a man off the pockets.

It's definitely a change of pace.

So it's, it's, it's, it's very, very exciting though.

It definitely makes you excited about the fact.

You play at a new level? Like it really is like rewarding

in the fact that like a goal at this level feels worth.

Feels like it's worth more. We're like a win at this level.

Feels like it's worth more and and you definitely pay for it.

Physically. It's definitely a difficult job

to have, but it's it's awesome. And I'm so glad to be able to

say that I'm doing it. So and that's, that's really

cool. How many games you play so far?

We've only played Four preseason.

How you doing? We went to 0 and we're 2002 in

102 and to actually be Leave. It was okay because we had to be

a first two. We will.

First one we took to a shootout, we lost and the second to be

lost in regulation. And in the last one we took to

shoot out again, which was at home here and we lost that one.

So you come close a couple times.

Now they're to is a pretty bad weekend for us.

I'm not going home not gonna live up at, but it's definitely.

I think that's the last part of it is like, this is a young team

of new guys who haven't played hockey.

Well, it's time such an expansion team.

Yeah, really it is, right. So we're kind of just kind of

getting our footing underneath and figuring out like, well,

Jeez, this is a whole new level for all of us.

So kind of starting to realize. You can't take any nights off

but it's definitely, it's definitely exciting.

That's a pretty good record to have the being of the year just

through preseason. Our first regular season games

for next weekend against VI you and you Vic.

Yep, and I do try to be there on the one on the 30th of that

trying to be there and watch it, please, please yeah, that'll be

exciting to be gives us a few again, which is been proven to

be our best game. So yeah.

All that's exciting. I where are you at in the line

up for you idea. Is there are the lines still

being juggled around, you know, who first line Second, Line,

third line. Is yeah, they've been Dave and

juggled around for sure. And I don't know that they're

really looking to put numbers on too much.

Like I have started most of the times that I've played and I

played on the top two lines, pretty much sense of being a

year, but I think like, with this team with like, the amount

of spread Talent we can have its we could just have one a 1, b, 1

b 1 c 1 D. Real aliens got depth.

We got depth for sure. And I think that's that's part

of having a winning roster. Right?

So that's, that's exciting. For sure.

Is to see like we got a bunch of different guys from a bunch of

different leagues that are Pretty solidly.

So it's exciting to see. And I, when you told me the news

and I mean, this is this is where when friendship comes in

and you can, you know, celebrate something with your friends.

When you told me the news about how this team was created and

you were going to be on and all that.

I was just so, so fucking happy for you, man.

I was excited. I've menu the second guy attacks

it about it. Like I told my parents and I

texted drapes, I texted you and that was it.

It's so good. I'm so so pleased for For you,

even though I was, you know, walking along with you as you

were moving in that other direction and saying, okay,

accepting things and whatnot. Now, you know, completely

different chain of events happened and I'm really, really

happy for you. How is the work or how is the

yeah, the work playing life balance relationship, all of

that stuff still with covid happening.

Are you dealing with it better? Are there any tricks of the

trade that you've learned or anything that you can kind of

advice that you can give to people?

There. I think a lot of it is just

being able to just keep your hands and your head busy.

I think that's definitely something that I've don't get

bored. Yeah.

Found that like the board. Miss is in the board.

I mean, just boredom. I guess that's what I'm going

for is is what really brings on a lot of the anxiety.

I find, and at least myself and many of my peers who talked to

me about it. They say, like listen, this is

being stagnant in my room, waiting for something to happen

to me is is not the way to go. It's not a healthy way to live

and I think like filling your plate to a to a healthy and safe

point. Point is what you should be

doing. Yeah, I found that like having

having a relationship as serious as mine playing hockey the

level, it's a serious. Is this going to a university?

You know, I'm working too, you know, that's those are all keys

and being able to say, like I never had time to sit at home

and start thinking about why I'm feeling the way that I am.

I can just, you know, keep myself in a busy schedule, take

do the right things, take my medication on time, talking to

my psychologist and you know, so you're doing the work to Sure,

you stay in Balance. You're talking to the right

people, you know, in some cases it's medication like it is with

your. Now that being said, you also

just went through a list of some pretty big spinning plates.

Do you ever get overwhelmed? Absolutely, and I think anybody

would even just with University. I think that self is probably

one of the biggest things I've ever had to deal with my life.

I can imagine adding University to the plate of things that I do

yet. You have that you have this as a

plate of things that I do plus a team.

Plus Versity? Yeah, it's definitely difficult

process. Like, I have the like those

three other things like hockey hockey, hockey would jobs, and

like, having a relationship or three things that you want to

do. Typically, like my job, like, I

love to do it. And that's, that's, and that's

good. So, like those three things are

easy to wake up for. But step forth thing that 8 a.m.

Class that you have where you're like, oh God.

Damn. I gotta order you like I can

work on this essay on my really Cash Card, go to sleep.

And that's like that. Part really gets stressful, kind

of missing a deadline or two. Pretty tough.

Yeah, but other than that, like the anxiety there is that's

that's kind of where it ends starts and ends is about there.

And I think like, for me as long as as long as, you know, like

you're happy and you put it into perspective about what you're

doing or there's no wrong decisions at this stage.

And then this in this field like you're really just pushing

through like everybody else. Is at school.

Everybody else is going through the same things.

You are just keep telling yourself those things and like

that's like something that my girlfriend's always likes preach

to me is like we are all going. Going through it here.

Yeah, everybody you never nobody at University wants to be here.

She says a lot of time. She's like the end of the day we

wanted we were going here because we want to be elsewhere.

That's right. That's the point and I'm like,

yes, very very true and knowing that you're in it with that

somebody else is very important not to feel like you're the only

one on campus who hates what they're doing, right?

And that's that was the difference for me, for the

longest time. I thought I was the only one

there who hated it. So yeah.

Yeah, it's very important. I the one thing that I ReSound

engaging, The he changed it World.

Our viewers are our listeners. The one thing that was constant

in people's reaction to your last conversation on here was,

oh my God, this young man speaks.

Well beyond his years and and, and my retort to that was, he

does because he was given responsibilities and hurdles

that were typically seen for people.

Well, beyond their years. He was just given them, you

know, Before he became a teenager.

Yeah, but so many people have said that to me over this last

year of just this of our conversation, our original

conversation, the same as obviously even more.

So now as you have aged, as you become even more wise, the

perspective that you have has gained even a another year on

it, you can tell and I just appreciate your insights very,

very much. You know, what he changed his

trying to do, you know, I get, I get the easy job.

It's get to host the podcast. My wife is doing all the heavy

lifting in her. Team and all that has the world.

Do we need it? Less or more and what is it

about? He changed it that you love so

much welcome. Yeah.

I think I think Moore's more is always better in this in this

type of an instance. I think opening doors for people

to get better is at the end of the day.

What we need to do. You think, I think we can't push

anybody through them, but as long as we give them the option,

I think that that's, that's where the best of the problem

lies in the first place. And, and I admire everything

that he changed, its. Driving to do and has been doing

for the longest time. Like, that's part of the reason

why I got involved at the beginning, which is through,

Alex, him telling me like parts that you got to see these guys

in here. They're on their way, to doing

something huge and I I trusted it from the get-go and obviously

like my favorite part is like I myself started.

Try to start a website. Started a Blog space saw, how

difficult that was and itself and then to see you guys start

to do it and I'll do it with such Grace and to see the way

that you guys have devoted yourself to something as

important as this is just It's invaluable to me.

Like I can't even begin to explain how important this is.

And it just dude, touches me, right?

We're right where I wished. I hadn't been able to figure it

out with everybody else. Like just what I was trying to

do with my website. Well, yeah, I blog space to see

what you guys are doing. It's just yeah, it's incredible.

I the team is gonna hear that and they're going to be so

encouraged and it's going to put wind in their sails because I

mean, it's tough, right, you know, it's that developmental

your birthing something. Yeah, and it's and it's so many

variables still, there's so much to do.

And so much that is being done at the same time.

As this thing grows. I'm really excited to be able to

incorporate you. And I mean, I don't even want to

call it your brand, but your story and your mission.

Yeah. And your vision into he and

that's going to be happening. Like we've already, you know,

we're marking as that next phase goes, martial parties is going

to be a big part of he changed it and you're gonna, I know your

heart for helping people and we're going to just try and take

an amplification system for your heart and just megaphone that

sucker. So, Thank you for being you.

Thank you for. I mean, I know I'm not taking

advantage of our friendship and talking.

I know you want to do this, of course, but thank you for.

You're so fucking busy. And I just appreciate you taking

time to formally sit down and talk about this stuff with me.

And I'm honored to have you as my friend.

I love you, man. And I just want to say thank you

so much for being on here. Thank you.

Thank you for having me, man. This is, as always such a

pleasure and I appreciate every moment that I have this mic in

front of me and my good friend of me as well.

For sure, Marshall. Thank you.

There they go. They are so fast, and I hate

that they go so fast, but I love it.

They go so fast, they go so fast because they're so powerful and

organic and time, gets slippery. When we do this.

Thank you very much for being a viewer or listener of.

He cast the official podcast of he changed it.

Once again. I know I'm broken record.

But until we get to that next phase, Please Subscribe, please,

share the podcast, please. If you haven't downloaded, he

changed it yet. Head on over and download it.

It's fun being part of something as it blows up.

That is exactly where we are right now.

If you want to come be part of something, as it turns into a

worldwide movement, he changed. It is where it's at.

Go to heat change it.com for any information until the next time.

That I populate your eye holes or your earholes with another

podcast. My name is Mike Chism.

I am the host of he cast the official podcast of he changed

it. Go change something.