Clare Kumar on Productivity, Burnout, and Creating More Space in Life

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Yeah, the official podcast of he changed it as always I am Mike

Chisholm. As always.

I am excited to be here. I am a broken record if you've

listened to two or three of these in a row first off, what's

the matter with you? Holy cow.

Thank you very much. I say it every time how excited

I am to do this. This is the highlight of my week

coming on here, too. Talking to awesome people about

mental Wellness, in the lens of how it affects men in this time

in this place in the 2020s. If you haven't downloaded, he

changed it yet. What are you waiting for?

Holy cow. This thing's starting to take

off. It's still in beta.

Technically. It's still in beta where in the

Android store were in the, I Apple Store search.

He changed it. You'll find the app, please

download it. Be an early adopter of this

movement, which is literally going To change the world.

Also as I call them the heat change that overlords.

It's my wife. This is the only opportunity.

I get to call my wife and Overlord and get away with it.

Please subscribe. Please, share this podcast.

We just want to help you know, in the app right now.

There's there's, there's been a couple stories and I mean we

were Anonymous in the app and the community and all that stuff

but there's been a couple of guys who have come in and been

going through going bingo. Through some shit.

And I got to be careful, not getting emotional here because

it's really neat watching, guys. Come in and help guys were going

through stuff and it's happening.

It's happening right now and and it's just exciting and

gratifying and all the things to see that happening right now.

As always, he cast wants to be ingredients to a meal that will

make our life healthier. And today is no exception to

that. We've got a guest on here.

I'm super excited about because she's going to talk about I

don't even know what you call it.

A personality type of condition. A genetic type A disposition.

I'm not sure. We're going to talk about a lot

of things, but one of the things we're going to talk about HSP,

highly sensitive people. And I think that's, I think

that's what the moniker is, but she'll show.

Correct me if I got it, if I got it wrong, but but sensitivity,

definitely affects us differently.

I know I'm a very Sensitive creature.

I know that I as a man grew up with the stigma of man up and as

for viewers and listeners of this podcast, you know that we

at he changed her taking back the phrase man up, and we're

going to make it instead of its traditional meanings.

We're going to take it and say, no, no, we're going to accept

responsibility for what's going on here.

And we're going to face it full force.

That's what Manning up is HSP. Highly sensitive.

People is definitely a part of that Claire.

Come on. Amar is our guest today.

And here's the thing. I love about Claire Kumar.

She has a title that is instantly intriguing.

She's a productivity Catalyst. She is a coach.

She has advised many top-tier Fortune 100 companies and

groups, and she's in t dot, but through the Miracles of

Technology, Toronto and Kelowna can be linked right up together.

Claire Kumar. Thank you so much for taking

time, out of your very busy schedule to be part of.

He Today, oh my gosh. What a treat to be with you.

Mike. Your energy is infectious.

I love it. I appreciate that.

Hopefully, it's just the energy and not anything else.

That's infecting? You, I appreciate so much that

you have taken time to be part of this today.

Let's start with productivity Catalyst because it is.

It is titillating. It's one of those things that

you see that that is this person's title.

What does a productivity Catalyst?

Well, it's grounded. In my belief that everybody

deserves a really rich fulfilling life.

Let's just start there. This is why I do what I do to be

fulfilled. We need to dance and

reciprocity. We need to continually be giving

to be receiving if we turn on our engine to give, then we're

nowhere. And if we, you know, we see an

epidemic of people sliding and slipping into burnout into

anxiety and depression off the charts now, right?

And so my whole motivation is to say, wait a minute, I take life

coaching performance. Coaching productivity coaching

wrap that all up together and say we need to look at this

holistically and that's why I came up with the term

productivity Catalyst because I want to help people sustain

their performance and really keep that giving engine going.

See, I love that because the idea of the catalyst is you take

something. Yeah.

The Catalyst and then it turns into something else and

certainly everything that you were talking about there.

Resonates. I know so many guys in their

40s. Right now we see them and he

changed it. We see them.

In the research that Kandi and her team are doing that.

There are people you talk about the giving.

There's a lot of guys out there who have given and given and

given and given until their empty.

They give to their families. They give through working at a

job. They might not like, necessarily

they give and they give, you know, they're in the sandwich

generation. Many of them are taking care of

their parents and they're taking care of kids, and they give and

give and give the receiving doesn't happen.

And guess what? That sponge gets.

Dry and when the sponge is dry, it can't hydrate anything else.

Am I on the right path? With what it is that you're

talking about? Absolutely, and it's often

unspoken the challenge that you're that.

You just outlined there. We don't, we don't talk about

this. Well, running dry.

We don't even talk about that. It's really reasonable to expect

to be hydrated in what you're doing.

That there should be something that comes back to you, in your

work and in your community and in your family as well.

What is that? Is that is that a lack of?

Venus that that we feel. Is it a lack of like why don't

I'm specifically talking about men here who are in this place

and many times is a quiet place where they don't talk about it.

Do we feel that we don't deserve it.

Is that is that a catalyst for those feelings?

I think you know, we've come through a society that

conditions us in a certain way and men have been conditioned to

be the provider the go-getter, the Hunter.

And we haven't made room for the full experience of a human.

One beautiful book. I'm reading now is now, the book

is aimed at women. Sure, but the messages are for

everyone in this book. It's called fear,

self-compassion by Kristin Neff. She talks a lot about the state

of men in the world and women in the world.

And this Yin energy, which is softer in this Yang energy,

which is stronger and it's been okay for men to be angry and

assertive and get things done. And women are expected to be

nurturing and kind and soft. Will we need more?

Women to be strong. We need more men to be sensitive

and we need this fully coming together as humans with both a

yin and yang and, and energy and that and then room for those

expressions of both, sensitivity and strength, you are talking,

you're preaching to the choir in the fact that you're talking to

a guy who grew up sensitive. I've always been that way.

I try and gravitate to being happy as much as I possibly can.

I've been told I'm an empath don't even know really what that

means. Read the empath.

Guide by dr. Julie orlov.

Kind of I resonate with that HSP highly sensitive people.

The moment. I saw you on the docket as a

potential guests for he cast I'm like, oh, yeah, we're grabbing

her. Because the idea of the highly

sensitive people. I think about myself, I think

about my younger brother, I think about some of the people

that I've brought into my circle as friends and and also not just

that I think about folks who have been predatory.

Towards myself and others who have that sensitive disposition

have never really been able to identify it.

And I saw it and I was like, oh my God, I think this woman might

know something about me that I don't know about me.

That I can't articulate properly.

Let's go into the highly sensitive people and and and

what that is and what it means, I love it.

And you know, their self-awareness that you already

have is is a testament. To your ability to notice.

So, high sensitivity itself is a trait.

So, to answer the question. What is this thing we're talking

about. It's not a disorder.

It's a trait. And by that, this is dr.

Elaine Aaron's work from the mid 90s and she stepped into the

work as a psychologist. After going to see a therapist

of hers. Who was they were talking

through things. And the therapist was like,

well, I think you might just be highly sensitive and Elaine sat

with that thought and went wait a Minute, wait a minute.

Let me dig into this. So there are a hundred species

of animals that are highly sensitive.

They've researched this and different animals to notice a

collection of ways of being that show up consistently in a highly

sensitive person and I can walk through those.

But overall, it's it's that our nervous systems are always on

their highly perceptive. They're highly responsive.

We're incredibly Vigilant, we are The notice errs of what's

going on empathy. Imagine empaths as well.

Dr. Aaron wants to make a little bit of a distinguished between

the two, because there's been quite a lot of scientific

research around High sensitivity, empathy and empathy

being an empath. Rather is a little hard to prove

scientifically. So she likes to maintain a

distance but I say, we're very weird.

Like I think MPS are on the extreme end of a sensitivity

because this ability to tune in my Sisters, an empath.

So, I have a lot of room for what we know, and we can measure

and then for an openness as well to kind of understand.

Well, just because I haven't seen it.

Don't understand. It.

Don't experience it. I can't say it doesn't exist.

So what am I going to be open to?

So high sensitivity, and one in five people show up with this

trait, possibly more the awareness of it though, very

very low. It's considered a neurodivergent

way of thinking. Right now we're in a world that

thinks a lot of people here in our Divergent and they think

autism first. They might know that it it

actually expands to include ADHD.

Dyslexia. Dyscalculia.

Dyspraxia, all kinds of other symptoms or disorders.

And I'm using air quotes to say disorder because there are a lot

of people who would say well wait a minute.

This is just another way of the brain and the nervous system

showing up. Is it really a disorder or is it

just another? Way of being.

So there's a lot of discussion in the community that I want to

be sensitive to, but the point is we've got at least one in

five people out there and right now because of what we've been

through in the world through the pandemic and what we're seeing

now happen with Russia and Ukraine.

There are M and climate change, right?

We've got existential challenge going on and because of that,

the neurotypical brain in the UK.

Is being shown to suffer from the same signs as one, who would

suffer from PTSD? And we know with PTSD that high

sensitivity is part of the experience.

So right now, the relevancy of understanding, what sensitivity

means, if you're feeling that and how to live with it better,

that's what the happy space movement.

And I love that the, you know, there's he changed, it is a

movement as well because there are deep shifts that need to

happen in the world to this openness and understanding the

way we need to be. And I think sensitivity is part

of it. I very much appreciate the depth

of this. This isn't just the fact that

you think about the the stereotypical when you think of

so many highly sensitive. Oh, okay.

It means that their feelings get hurt easily.

And that might be, that might be again, one of many, many

different ways that this HSP would manifest itself, but you

just listed a whole bunch of other ways that do that, some

that model on border on the, on the idea of maybe.

A disorder or something that can be more concretely diagnosed.

But I love the fact that it does encompass, so many different

things, and provide so much food for thought for folks.

The idea that again, let's go back to the, the people who

might get their feelings hurt easily because at the, at the

end of the day, you do have techniques for people to deal

with this specific set of traits that they have that manifest as

they live every day. As they go to work as they get

cut off in traffic as they, you know, go through relationships

that kind of a thing. I'm very excited about the idea

of this because there's a lot of guys who are feeling this way,

but don't necessarily talk about it are aware you talk about

awareness. So yeah, this is a great

conversation to have Yeah, thank you.

It's well. One thing I should say is the

trait is equally spread between men and women.

So the men out there is easily that 20%.

And if you, if you think you're a creative individual, I'm going

to suggest is probably higher. If you're in a healing

profession. I'm going to suggest is probably

higher, your you've got that empathy.

I can run through. If might be helpful for

listeners. I think running through the four

top traits definitely and the trait that can really like,

listen, for these things. And if you're curious, I created

A very fun light-hearted quiz, and if you tick off the boxes

there be like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

She's speaking my language. If you're curious.

You can check that out. But where do you find the quiz?

Let's let's go right there. Where do you go?

Awesome? So the busiest places.

Happy space pod.com, and if you go there, you'll find the quiz,

you'll find the podcast, you'll find the online community.

It's the one stop shop for learning about this and also

connecting with like-minded. People.

So, by all means, feel free to check that out.

But the four different elements of the trait.

I like to use the analogy and I came up with this term for it.

Based on Elaine. Aaron's work, seed, s, ee D.

I like that analogy because it implies, you've got everything

you need and you can grow it beautifully, right?

So, sometimes we're a different stages of growth.

Oh, and I will fully admit to teaching what I need to learn,

right? There's definitely that in my

journey. So let me take you through seed

real quick here. S is for sensitivity to

stimulation. So we will be those notices with

that nervous system that responds that is on.

We will be noticing a rise in humidity will be noticing a

rough texture that will be like, take those tags.

Out of my shirt will be noticing a shift in energy in the room, a

facial expression, will notice a group of people, and if

something's not working. Working here will be sensing a

lot of what's going on. Sometimes, that's great because

we have that extra knowledge and insight.

Sometimes it's absolutely overwhelming.

I'm a bit nervous these days because my my neighbors

downstairs are going to start demolition of a wall in their

unit and I'm living on like eggshells when it's going to

start and what kind of noise is going to come up.

And I know I'm going to need to take preventative action to find

other places to work at certain times.

So noticing that, that sensitivity to subtle stimulate

huge, the first he has for empathy.

We are off the charts sensing and feeling what other people

are experiencing. This is might be why watching

the news can be really overwhelming.

We can, we can we can get really emotionally exhausted.

While we're amazing caregivers. We can really burn out if we're

not careful carrying the emotional load of what we're

feeling. The second is our emotional

perception or responsiveness. We have an opportunity though.

Here. We are our brains react more

quickly. There's there's one.

I think it was on a real or a tick tock where 10 Jake

Gyllenhaal. I'm going to like need to talk

to Jake. Okay.

He's talking to another actor. I think it's Tom something and

I'm so not culturally on top of my game here, but the one out.

Actor was talking about how he really was sensitive to loud

noises and while he's in this moment of sensitive expression

to an audience, but two men sitting there, Jake shouts at

him in this thing and Tom has a startled reaction because Jake

heard the sensitivity and went for it.

Hmm. And it might have been a ploy to

be humorous. But in that moment, it was Well,

and so there's a beautiful example of not having room and

not even embracing and having an openness for someone who's

actually bravely saying and talking about their sensitivity.

If I can find the link I will I will send it to you.

Please do that. Absolutely.

Yeah, but there's an example of how we don't have we so we can

be aware of how we're feeling we can be so so self-aware and you

talked about what you've noticed in yourself.

I'm like, oh yeah, tick right there.

But if we are triggered or stressed or depleted, we can

have a Will Smith moment at the Oscars and unleash, right?

All of our, our emotions can bubble up and out and we are not

bringing our best self to a moment.

So a lot of what I do is based on a lot of self learning and in

experimentation here on how to how to architect Our Lives.

But also how to define define boundaries and defend them with

Grace and it's a journey to figure out.

How do we do that? It's more than words.

Its body posture. It's our own energy.

What are we putting out that? We are inviting back from

others? So that's a whole thing.

The last item in the in the four elements of the trait is D and

that's that's for depth of processing.

And that's talking about the fact that we deeply think about

things. So I'm Wondering, like, if you,

if you watch a movie that happens to be emotionally

compelling. Yes.

How do you feel after that movie?

Are you like? Okay, let's just go catch.

Let's just go. Well, there's just like a ride,

the Subway or? Well, let's go go-karting right

now or let's or you like me and you like I just I just move.

I need that needs to land with me for a little bit.

I'm like processing it afterwards.

You know, it's funny how you you bring that up as you as you were

going through the to ease the empathy.

The emotion. I thought about with one of the

things that you said it triggered a thought and me.

Did you ever watch the show The Office?

Yes. Okay.

So so I'll tell you this, there are moments in that show and I

mean, that show is brilliant. And I mean, I know folks who

worked on it and we, you know, we talk about this all the time.

You talk about the manipulation of emotion and an awareness of

that, to me, that is a phenomenal example, to figure

out how sensitive you might actually be.

There were moments in that show because that show took The the,

the emotion of awkwardness canned and many others as well.

Like, I mean, you know, as about how movie, you know, in the

office, I would laughs bellowing laughter.

I would also cry during the sensitive moments, you know,

when Jim proposed to Pam or, you know, when Michael a proposed a

holly that would that was unbelievable tears, you know,

and I'm in my 40s now. So, sometimes the Gillette

commercial make me cry, but but I think about awkward though

because that show was Razorsharp about taking awkward situations

and really, really punching at home.

There are some moments in that show.

I literally have to fast forward.

It's to cringe-worthy. It's so much.

I'm so cringing so much that it's overwhelming and and that

was one of the things that came into my mind as you were going

through the. He's so I really appreciate you

bouncing that back asking me how I feel about a movie.

That was the thing that came to me right there.

Yeah. Yeah.

When I watch the holes that this is us That's a show about

compassion. That's like every episode

there's compassion after compassionate and I don't know

about you, but I have found my life being more and more full.

As I understand this more about myself.

I am playing spot the HSP now, which is kind of fun.

Oh my gosh, that's why I resonate so well, I feel so

understood with this group. Oh my gosh, that artist is oh my

God. Clearly there HSP right.

Alanis. Morissette.

Is a fellow Canadian. Yeah.

He's out loud and proud about being HSP.

She's the subject of Elaine Aaron's first movie sensitive,

the untold story. And so alaniz makes an

appearance and I'm like, you know, and her writing is so

wrong about emotion and experience, right?

So, yeah, there's there's a lot of incredible talent to

celebrate that comes out of the creativity that comes out of

that deep processing. I was on the show a couple weeks

ago. I'm a big David Letterman guy

and and so I've got some My circle who worked for the show

and are part of improving his legacy and things and I was on

that show. We were talking about some of

the guests that were on a show and artists in particular and

it's funny how I think about Kanye.

I think Kanye's one that I think polarizes everybody for a

variety of reasons. I took it off of him and I went

back to Prince and it's funny how we will take as much of the

beautiful art from these people. Whether it is music, whether

it's a performance in a Movie. Whether it's art, that's on the

walls or on a display somewhere and we'll take as much as we

possibly can, but the moment other behaviors show up many

times we try and reject that or try and control it and put them

in a box. Well, if you want somebody to be

that artistic and you want somebody to put out, you know,

1999 or somebody put out Jesus Walks, you're also going to have

to understand that there's other things that go on in these

mines, these artists. Chains that might not be as

appealing but you're not going to get that art without that

depth of other feelings as well. We're complicated humans, you

know, there's a lot that's common between us, but we are

complicated and we deserve to have hold on to that compassion

when we're thinking about others.

I think even if somebody's doing terrible things.

Yeah, I think and I examined this in my own family.

I mean, I grew up and my parents had both grown up with very

displays of violence and tempers, and anger.

Of course, processed it in their way, and I further processed it

now, but to understand, and to look back on my dad, with

compassion, for what he went through to understand what he

became, as ultimately, one of the most compassionate people.

I know, but who had a wicked temper too?

Yes, I know about that. My dad went on a journey between

60 and 70 between 58 and 63. He went on a personal element

because he's gonna lose it. All because of his temper is

gonna lose my mom. He's gonna lose.

Everything. And the guy went through a

journey of actually had him on this podcast where I've actually

been able to talk with my dad, now in his 70s about his journey

from where he was to where he is now.

And and and to me what you're talking about is so important

right now because you know, I think you and I are both Gen-X

and I think about how we were, you know, our generation in many

ways were the rebels. You think about the

flannel-wearing coffee house, drinking items on a listening

Nirvana, you know, like like Screw what the Baby Boomers told

us. The lies that were told, we're

going to make things differently and we had friends starting to

come out of the closet and doing all these things and living

their best life thinking that we were going to make the

generation next behind us grateful, but that's not the

case right now. Because the generations behind

us are looking at what US and the Baby Boomers did and how we

lived and they're going. We're cancelling you.

Or we're going to talk about sensitivity in a different way

where we're not going to take into consideration, the places

that you've been and the things that you've gone through and the

the carving of the path through the jungle that you did.

We're just going to bitch about the path not being up to the

standard that we want it to be. And it's so ironic to see that

the idea of Us coming together and actually being able to put

ourselves in. Whoever it is, whether it's the

Duck Dynasty guy or the Donald Donald Trump, for that matter.

Like, what is the what? The pathways that were created

to make this behavior and that empathy, and that compassion

that you're talking about is Paramount, especially today as

far as I'm concerned. I really do think so.

And one important point to make is actually that highly

sensitive people who developed from very stable, nurturing

secure relationship with their parents.

Yes, go on to perform incredibly insecure.

Society, they are very successful.

They navigate relationships. Well, but if somebody's come

through trauma, Boy, there's a lot of damage to do because we

don't feel safe. And so we can't claim those

boundaries and that's where therapy is highly.

Highly recommended for highly sensitive.

People that have had very difficult experiences growing up

and that work with therapy and and potentially coaching as

well, can help someone navigate to really then achieve that kind

of Rich fulfilling life and navigating relationships.

So well, at the secure children came through and I think it's

important to look back. And just imagine, imagine a lot

of people at two and three years old, even even yourself, imagine

yourself of your being rough on yourself.

If your inner critic is a beast. Imagine yourself at 3 years old

and carry that version of you through your day.

Yes, and let the love flow because invitations of love and

inclusion and compassion will be what invites, our best

performance. Not punitive talk.

Diminishing who we are. Well, it goes back to the old

phrase, you know, two wrongs. Don't make a right, you know?

Yeah, right, you know, violets violence, begets, begets,

violence. And at some point there's got to

be an interrupter and I love, I love what you're talking about.

I'm a Brené Brown fan, you know, I think about the the stuff that

she's she's actually made shame a topic that I want to read

about. And you think about even the

word shame. It's like I want to Away from

that word and and the idea of sitting across from somebody who

may be doing out, something that is exactly the opposite of how

you feel. And and if you're able to kind

of become aware in that moment and like you said, I'm just

trying to put an exclamation point on what you said because

it's so important. Clear and it's a technique that

anybody can use where somebody is spewing out stuff.

If you imagine them as a baby you might even be able to

imagine them. Going through trauma that they

went through as a baby or a child to make them act the way

that they're acting right now. It's literally like you're

driving down the highway. The RPMs are really, really

high. And suddenly, you realize,

there's a fifth gear that you can go into a fifth gear of

empathy and it takes all the pressure off and it takes the

emotion. It takes the momentum of wanting

to combat what they're saying. Right out of it, when you can

empathize with somebody like that.

Superpower. Yeah, and I love Bernie as well.

It's interesting, and in a recent podcast, she did with her

sisters around her latest book. Atlas of the heart.

She talks about being highly Vigilant as a child and I'm

like, of course, my place bought the HSP.

Yeah, and I'm like, wait a minute.

So if you know anybody in Renee's staff, like hook me up.

I would love to be in conversation with her.

Because I think, you know what, Susan Cain's work in the book

quite It, she brought the topic of conversation and of course,

introversion to the table on that note, just as a thought for

listeners, while it's split 50/50 men and women.

It's 70% introverts 30% extroverts in the highly

sensitive community. And so, it isn't just an

interesting Nuance. You can be extroverted and be

highly sensitive which presents a bit of a conundrum out there

because you're, you're right. You're a people person.

We are jamming right now. Now and I'm like, loved meeting

from the second we connected on camera and you might still need

a heck of a lot of downtime is like what's going on, Mike.

Why aren't you like this 100% of the time?

Only exactly a well, and, I mean, I know a lot of creatives

in my life who are the exact same way.

And when I am on, if you want to call it that I'm living my best

life. I'm exactly who I need to be.

When I'm public speaking. I can, it's so weird to explain,

but I can take the energy out and I can It back on people and

it's an amazing experience doing this.

Like I said, I could do five of these in a row, but the next day

might be a Netflix in my boxers watching, you know old Letterman

clips on YouTube for four hours. You'll need to know demand

charge right to get. Yeah.

Absolutely. Yes, and I think a lot of

creatives know about that and I think a lot of people who are

creatives on the inside, but that doesn't manifest itself in

their daily life, unfortunately. Because they're doing all the

things that are on the list and this is where people get things.

Yeah, there's there's there's our cultural pressure to to

hustle and get things done. And we measure success, by

doing, not being. Yep.

And to be creative. You got to have a whole lot of

being in mind, wandering for the essence of the work to come

together and to come out. So our world does not get that.

And so, you know, I talk a lot to corporations about, you know,

Designing the workday and the workspace so that we can invite

the richest performance from everybody who's there?

Not just the people that are are the doers but the thinkers as

well. So we need restrooms to be

restrooms. For example, right?

We need more of this embedded in our culture.

I was talking to on the 6th episode of the podcast that I

have going on around happy space.

Yeah, I interview a professor of near of Neuroscience for ER and

she's in São. Paulo, and she told me that she

was, she went out to a bench to go lie in the Sun and she was

told by City staff that she was not allowed to lie on a bench.

Oh, man. And so this is where you have.

You might have the design. You might have that nap room

that quiet room where you can go rest and restore, but you might

have a culture that says you loser.

What are you going to that room for like, what's going on?

Right? So we need this Evolution?

That's what the happy space. Mint is really about to

understand that as human animals.

We need to look after our whole experience on our way of being

and what we really need to sustain that energy and for

different people. It looks different.

And we need to make room for that.

Oh my God, I love this conversation so much.

I hate that time is going so quickly.

I want to get, I want to get you some productivity stuff before

we because you know, it's a podcast aimed at men or people

who want to understand men or people want to relate who want

to help the current situation of We're men are in our culture and

and and, and that sort of thing. The idea of productivity is

something that I think that too many men, its intrinsic.

It is something that is genetically just in there.

The idea of compartmentalizing and doing prioritizing things

properly and in doing that I think speaks highly Too Many

Men. Naturally, I want to talk about

productivity and and how you have married.

The idea of taking advantage of Sensitive Nature's and applying

that with productivity and how you have applied that into your

all your corporate gigs. I mean, you worked with

companies like Facebook to all the TD Bank, one of these banks

in the world and many many, many other groups, you know, I want

to talk about the idea of productivity and the mark You're

making on the world when it comes to that word.

Oh, thank you. I would say actually more than

half of my clients are men now. So I am I'm thrilled to learn

what people are. And work with people and learn

from them what their challenges are and it varies and I find it

fascinating that there isn't a place to talk about some of

these things because there is an expectation that it's naturally

an 8 in this get things done energy is just is there right?

But wait a second, but what about this, you know this

construct I'll take one of my client examples right now.

Lovely lovely, man. And Man also a conscientious

contributor, really doing well in his career and progressing

but also realizing wait, how do I navigate this?

I want to be showing up as a wonderful dad.

I also need to show up as a leader at work.

And what does that look like? And at the same, I want to have

some time for myself. So, one example of something

that I see repeatedly, is this concept of claiming back time at

the end of the day. Using the phone with what we had

sometimes been called Revenge bedtime procrastination.

I think this is this is a nasty thing that I keep seeing show up

when it's like you know what, I've given to my work.

I've been present with my family.

I just want some me time and heck.

Yes, you need some me time, but let's break it down for a

second. Let's look at how we honor Mind

Body Spirit and our I was, and let's fundamentally understand

what I call, our productivity table stakes, and I use like a

poker analogy, right? You got the eight-sided.

There's an imagined, an eight-sided, poker table.

Okay, easily done, right? If you like gemstones, and my

dad was a jewelry, man. He like gemstones.

Imagine a cut Jewel and each of those eight sides is connected.

The light is Flowing from one side to the other.

There's eight different elements.

Their sleep is one of them. If you sabotage your sleep, Your

borrow from tomorrow, right? We don't want that to happen.

So, the decision you make at night, is the first impact on

your day tomorrow, right? So, if we could get more clear

about, gosh, I need some me time.

Okay, what could that look like? So that you get the me time?

I'm not about depriving a need. I'm about finding a way to do

it. That doesn't self-sabotage.

Yes, how can you do that? What does it look like?

Does it mean not using the phone or a specific app?

Does it mean choosing to read a chapter of a book Which is far

more finite and doesn't have intrusions that technology is

designed. It's designed to say, give my

give me your brain Absalom notifications might come on.

You want that? Don't you know, right.

So, how can you design your bedtime ritual?

We put our kids to bed, right? I mean, tucking the kids and

giving them a bath, reading him a story.

How are you going to put yourself to bed?

Ed. Yeah, how are you doing?

Invite falling into Repose so that you're going to get.

I'm going to say, you know, start with an assumption.

You need seven and a half hours work from there to find it out

of here. One of the people that needs

nine hours, claim the sleep that you need.

And then, oh my gosh, that's a beautiful foundation in those

productivity table, Stakes to Anchor, your human animal

showing up with the energy. It needs to get through the day

and also make really A decisions all the way through that day.

That's just one example. Oh my God.

I I'm so attracted to your vocabulary and these ideas.

They seem like water in the desert.

They really do. I want to go deeper into that a

little bit because I want to talk about how myself but also

other men that I've talked to feel and and the idea of the

night before and the preparation for the next day as well.

I think is really really important versus the night

before and having a nameless next day.

How what do you feel about? Where do you weigh in on the

idea of knowing what it is? You're going to be doing the

next day before you go to bed? Oh my gosh critical.

I take I say critical. Okay critical and one word

critical. I invite you to plan the

upcoming week sometime before it hits.

So sometime before Monday morning, whether it's Friday

afternoon, and you want to check out for the weekend or it's a

lot of leaders. I saw my career growing up was

At Sunday, evening sometime before Monday, you plan your

week and you scan the next. So then you'll be like, oh,

yeah. I've got a 3 hour presentation.

I'm delivering on Wednesday of the end.

You'll you'll have a sense of what's coming up.

You're not going to be like getting luggage off the Canadian

conveyor belt and it's all hitting you and nobody's taking

the luggage off, right? That's so we plan the week and

we scan the next. And what I need you to do is I

need you to use a calendaring and scheduling system to help.

Help the brain with this really abstract concept of time.

Right? Like, you can't pin it down.

Where a w wear a watch. I do have a Fitbit now and I'm

the reason I sometimes wear it is when I want a trigger to pull

my attention to something, not to say you have email, you have

slack, you know, like check the things already exists.

Right, right? Turn all the notifications off

except for you have a podcast with Mike right now.

And you need to show up on time being your best.

Looking your best know. If you need a nap before, like,

do what you need to do, to show up at your best and schedule in

your calendar. I call it creating your own

roadmap for the day. You need to have those anchors

in your day. That are your commitments to

yourself. So, it's your bedtime.

Perhaps, you have a bedtime alarm.

You don't need a morning alarm. If you're getting enough.

Sleep. So I don't 99% of days.

I don't use an alarm. It's if I'm traveling somewhere

and I've got an unearthly, the Earthly currently flying out of

the ordinary, something out of the ordinary.

Then I'll use a morning alarm. But otherwise, I set my life up.

So and my cats help, you might have heard them in the

background. My cat's helpful say, you know,

our body clocks are telling us. So it's 7:00 in the morning is

breakfast time. So I need to navigate and set my

life up to know what I'm going to do.

So I can also park my King and have a good sleep.

I don't have to carry my, what's my to-do list tomorrow in my

brain. I love, I love Park.

You're thinking that's a very, very powerful thing.

Like I'm a big fan of the conscious brain versus the

subconscious brain. And, and you, and I right now, I

love this analogy. I don't know where I heard it.

I wish I could reference. Whoever said it to me because

now I'm just kind of plagiarizing stuff that I but

that's that's just podcast life. I guess the idea that like right

now, you and I are interfacing right with the The, the

conscious part of our technology, the computer, the

conscious part, is the part that we see on the monitor, if we're

doing spreadsheets, if you're writing emails, whatever, that's

the conscious part, but in reality, there are tens of

thousands of processes going on in the subconscious, part of the

computer. That's where the computers

really work in its ass off right now, even though what we're

experiencing is, just the conscious part.

Our brain is the same thing and and all of the things that

you're talking about, use our Subconscious, as you you

mentioned planning out your week little bit came knowing

Wednesday. I got to go kill it at a

presentation. If you give that a little bit of

thought, a little bit of consideration, guess what?

Your subconscious is going to be doing its thing.

While you're eating breakfast while you're exercising.

Well you're doing whatever it is that you're doing.

And if you don't then you're just running on the surface.

You're just running on the conscious mind, which is not

nearly as effective as if you get your subconscious doing its

thing at the same. Same time.

Exactly. There's a friend of mine speaker

as well. And she'll say, give your

assistant a job to do. Ask your assistant to do

something while you sleep there. You know, I'd like you to work

on this presentation, not to worry about it.

But to actually, I was talking about letting the back brain go.

Yep. Just like it, like, plant a seed

and let it, let it go there. So, yeah, and if you think about

your work and separate planning from execution, that's if you

know or even like let's say You're going to, you're going to

reorganize the garage. Let's say yeah.

Separate the planning from the execution.

Oh my God, that's profound right there.

Talk a little bit about that, please.

Yeah, separate the two. Don't look at your garage on

Saturday morning till I met Liz. Now, think about what you want

to do. Think about the kinds of things

that are in there. Think about the different zones.

You want to create think about what might help make removing

those items. Good like I'll arrange for a

pickup. Of items to donate set it up.

So that the, the recycling day, as she write the next day, like

think about where this event is happening, when this event is

happening, who can help it do all that with when your mental

energy is really strong and your emotional energy execution have

your roadmap and it's like Saturday morning.

You've got the supplies you need.

Now. You just need to knock it out if

you try and mix the two. It's 1:00 on Saturday and you

still Even got yourself going. So I'd say work, your pecs is

what I say. It's like planning execution and

then calibration. So if you're going to do

something, repeatedly look back on it and say what could have

been better note it down, put it in the planning for next time.

Pay yourself forward. So work work, your pecs.

I adored this conversation. I hate how slippery time as I

say it. Every episode time is Slippery.

People are going to get tired of hearing.

Me say that, but it's the truth. Ruth it does, I want to be

sensitive to your time. But at the same time, this is

the beginning of a relationship and that excites me.

I know that our paths are going to cross more and more.

Let us in our in our, in our viewers and listeners know where

to find you. So happy space talk about talk

about happy space. Please talk about that because

this is an offshoot of the other things that you do from your

corporate training to your coaching, and all of that.

Then you're building this happy space movement.

Please talk about That as we as we start to take her home.

Oh, thank you. So yeah, everything I do

speaking media work. I work with Brands.

I did a TV segment this morning, which is why I'm fully made up

for you today. So everything is a clear

Kumar.com. If you're interested in that

that full scope of what I do, but this is this happy space

movement is really mixing personal and passionate

professional passions together to invite that more.

Underworld that we need so that people don't get marginalized in

the workplace. The way I did, I was basically

could not find a construct to work in 2008.

I ended up tumbling down the stairs in 2007.

And when at the very end of the of the year and just went,

something's got to shift. I can't I can't sustain my

energy for this anymore. So became an entrepreneur and

this happy space movement. I invite you all to think of who

you know, who might be highly sensitive.

Maybe it's, you come take the quiz, join the community, be

part of the movement. I think there's a real

opportunity to spread the word here.

So people feel understood and be part of something.

And then, if you're a leader, think about how you can have a

more inclusive culture, to invite those sensitive people to

thrive where you're above average performers, if we are

given the opportunity and the right environment to shine.

So, you know, right now it's kind of a golden moment and I

really To be part of that and invite you to do the same, you

know, I think about the idea of being generous and how the idea

of being generous is. I've heard this many guy again,

broken record. I heard this or Letterman

actually talked about it. How being generous is actually a

self-serving act because you feel so damn good about being

generous. I feel like this is related to

what you're talking about. If you are highly sensitive, if

you have someone in your life that's highly sensitive.

It behooves, you to help them hone that.

Skill. If it's you you're going to

perform better. If you're a leader and you have

these folks that are in your, in your crew.

If even if you're leading a family, whatever that is, these

people are going to be more productive active.

In fact, rising stars. In fact, the stars of the

organization or group, whatever we're talking about, if we

nurture that and I think with the hustle and bustle and the

hustling that you talked about earlier, that is a very easy

thing to put on the Wayside and and not Ora ties it because

shits got to get done. And and the idea of making that

a priority. In fact, the idea that you have

a platform that has not only made that a priority, but

simplified it enough that people can easily understand and

translate some of these truths and then apply them to their

lives. Well, it seems like you're you

got to feel pretty good about yourself, Claire, because you're

being pretty generous and how you're improving the world.

Oh, thank you know, the best. Gets to get a message from

someone who's feel touched by the message, like, you do.

I'm sure you experience. I got one this morning.

Thank you for the work that you do and that if nothing like it

wasn't he will. I don't know.

What is that is that just keeps me going?

And and yeah, so I'd my fundamental belief is everyone

deserves a happy space. So oh everyone deserves a happy

space. We're going to finish it there.

Claire. Clarefun22 are KU M.

AR. Yeah, I don't.com.

No third eye. Hi-yah and Kumar isn't Harold.

And so then it's easy. You are delightful and and and

you are also info tastic. And if you know me, that's one

of the most terrible guy, somebody who was info, tastic is

it's one of the highest compliments that I can give.

I can't wait to see how our paths cross more, how happy

space and he changed it crossed paths more.

If you have content and you want us to display it and give

portals. How to get there.

We're going to do that, by the way.

When we started this thing, thank you for talking about what

Kandi and her team are doing that.

He changed it. It's as Kandi likes to say, you

know, because I mean, it's startup life, right?

And you know all about startup life, you know, it's not

necessarily low-hanging fruit, but there's Orchards and

Orchards and Orchards of it. And I just want to say thank you

for the encouraging things that you said about.

He changed it as well. My great pleasure to, to connect

with you. And just yeah, let's ride

alongside each other and make stuff happen.

Can't wait. They go by so quickly again.

I say that every episode but it's the damn truth.

We are so excited about the movement.

That is he changed it. And all of the arms that were

linking in that process. I'm grateful for you every

single viewer, every single listener.

Whether you're on the YouTubes are on your whatever your

podcast, persuasion application. Is, thank you very much for

giving us a chance to take your attention.

Even for a little while. Here again, if you haven't

downloaded, he changed it or, you know, somebody that needs to

download. He changed it.

Come be. An early adopter downloaded were

in both the apple and the Android stores just search he

changed it. You will find the he app and

yeah, like And subscribe to podcast and let's improve some

people's lives together. That's it.

That's another episode of he cast the official.

Podcast of he changed it. My name is Mike Chisholm go

change. Something.