A Topic Not Often Talked About

In a topic not talked about often, with men, we thought it was important to breach the subject, especially as we round out to Father’s Day. Unfortunately, not all fathers days are times of celebration. In a staggering new study, 25%, or 1 in 4 pregnancies, result in loss. So how does that affect you? 

Just like women, there is no easy answer as to how to manage your emotions after loss. “This still tends to be considered strictly a woman’s topic by a lot of people, including mental health professionals,” David Diamond, a psychologist and an associate professor with the California School of Professional Psychology who often works with people struggling with pregnancy loss and infertility, told HuffPost.

“But men have lots of different kinds of reactions, and they are affected by these sorts of things — sometimes very deeply affected,” he said.

We don’t need to tell you that men deal differently, not just with pregnancy loss, but in general. Typically, guys like to shove their feelings down deep, hoping that one day they will disappear. However, studies show that there is an inexplicable toll that is take on both emotional and physical health, as well as mental health as one would expect. “Suppressing your emotions, whether it’s anger, sadness, grief or frustration, can lead to physical stress on your body. The effect is the same, even if the core emotion differs,” says provisional clinical psychologist Victoria Tarratt. “We know that it can affect blood pressure, memory and self-esteem.”

So what can you do if you find yourself in the situation of pregnancy loss? 

  1. Know what not to say: 

Women, of course, experience the loss completely differently, often with feelings of guilt and failure. Even very well intended “comfort”, can lead to uncontrolled emotion and result in devastating effects. It’s a tough tough time on relationships, you can come through this, but listening is often the best recourse. We know it’s hard not to offer comfort, but sometimes just being there is the best comfort of all.

2. Write or talk it out

We get it. Men don’t typically share their feelings with other guys. How’s that working out for us? Considering our death and suicide rates are out of control, we would say not so well. It’s time to change the narrative. If not with your friends, which may be uncomfortable, then find support. In our app he. , we have created rooms to talk about what’s going on, let out your story. Inevitably, there is another guy in there who has gone through the same, or something similar. Sharing is caring, caring to yourself man. Writing it out in text will also help your brain process it. And don’t forget, no one needs know who you are if you choose. Just don’t keep it in brother. 

3. Seek out information

We are seeing an uptake of information as finally, we realize that men need support too. Often times doctors, clinics, therapists, etc, will have information for you. Don’t rule out the might podcast. Our podcast he.cast, available in the app, has guys on there talking about their experiences after miscarriage and stillbirth. Again, we get it’s a really uncomfortable topic. But if you have or are experiencing it now, we promise you, hearing someone else talk about how you are feeling lifts the boulders off your shoulders. And more importantly, you will hear how they got through it. 

You will be ok. Eventually. But for now, it’s ok not to be ok. Just check in with someone, anyone and let them know how you are. Talk to us, it’s why we are here. 

Watch for our new ‘Dad’s” room coming June 20!

And tune in to hear Trevor Walker on he.cast. His story is real, and raw and yet full of hope and promise.